i don't know at all
by Of Kings and Queens
Summary: "Did you love that bad man?" You close your eyes tight. "Don't call him bad." You surprise even yourself with the fire with which you say those words but then you think about the question and you can't answer. "I don't know." You whisper. "I don't know at all." TamakixKyoya. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Yo, I wrote a thing. I haven't written a thing in like four years?

Uhhh, it's pretty short. IDK my guy, I like writing short things. I mean, who even has time for more than 3000 words. I have a whole job. Anyway, Hope y'all find some kind of enjoyment in it. I like second person pov and this is written in it if that's a deal breaker for you. POV is still Tamaki tho. Uhh, the title and like two lines of dialogue is from a musical I like. Okay, cool. Enjoy.

* * *

You're sitting on your dresser and it's high enough that your feet dangle far off the ground, heels kicking the drawers every so often. You feel better up here for whatever reason; lighter, but that doesn't mean your problems are any more solved.

You turned away from the mirror some time ago because it really wasn't doing good things for your mood. Black eyes tend to do that. So, does pain and so does regret but the pain is less physical now and you're not sure what you regret and what you don't yet. Hopefully it's fair to assume that clarity'll come with time and distance from this whole mess, but your mind is just going to have to be in shambles for the moment. There hasn't been room in your head to think about much else but the fact that your _god damned boyfriend punched you in the face_ lately but you're still finding it hard to understand what went wrong or rationalize it or let it go or _something_ , but, yeah, time heals all wounds or whatever.

Out your window you see the lawyer being led out by your father and you wonder how it went. They're trying pretty hard to keep you out of the loop where it comes to the legal side of things. You've been hearing restraining order and you don't know how to feel about it. You lean your head back onto the cold glass mirror, scooting back on the wooden dresser.

Everything is just _so boring_ now. No one is letting you leave the house because of the black eye. Apparently being seen outside with it would be bad for keeping the whole thing a secret and for the Suo name or something. You don't really know. Either way, you have way too much time on your hands for retrospection.

"Tamaki." You look up and see Kyoya leaning against the door frame.

"I knocked." You shrug.

"Guess I didn't hear you." Kyoya sighs and comes over to lean against your dresser. He looks worried and _god,_ that's the last thing you want.

"Are you alright?"

You literally don't know the answer to that question. Physically, yeah, you're fine. A black eye isn't the end of the world. Emotionally? _Well._ You tell him you're fine anyway. You still don't need Kyoya to worry about this shit.

"I don't think I should come back to the club looking like this given the sudden absence of my good looks. Wouldn't want to worry the girls."

Kyoya smiles and says, "Are you kidding. They'd be worried, but your numbers would go way up. But I agree. You shouldn't come back until you're okay. And your looks haven't gone anywhere." You let your heels knock into the front of the dresser again.

"I know you don't want to hear I told you so..." You look over, unimpressed and annoyed.

"That's right, I don't." Kyoya had made his dislike of who you were dating known at every opportunity. He had good intentions, though, and you guess he was right, wasn't he.

Wasn't he?

"I just don't understand. He treated you like shit." You suddenly become engrossed in the pattern on your socks. (little ducks, for the record.)

"You could have _anyone,_ Tamaki. Anyone you want. Anyone that refuses you would be a bigger idiot than even you could be." You're a little startled at how much Kyoya seems to mean what he's saying and of course he's wrong. You're not perfect and there's always someone better, but you appreciate it nonetheless.

"You could've had anyone, and you picked someone that hurt you." You keep silent because you don't really have a response. It's hard to argue with that. Kyoya sighs and you're still staring down.

"I didn't come here to say I told you so, believe it or not," He said. "but can I ask you a question?"

You don't say no.

"Did you love that bad man?" You close your eyes tight.

"Don't call him bad." You surprise even yourself with the fire with which you say those words but then you think about the question and you can't answer.

"I don't know." You whisper. "I don't know at all."

Kyoya holds out his hand to you and you hesitate. He has every right to be mad at you. You're the one that didn't listen. You could've avoided all of this.

"Come on." he says. "Get some sunglasses. We'll see if I can't get you out of here for a little while." You look at him completely confused.

"You're not-"

"Angry?" You look down again. Of course he was.

"Yeah, but not at you, you idiot. Now come on. I think a distraction is in order." You lace your fingers through his and let him help you down.


	2. Chapter 2

Yo, I wrote one more chapter. It's probably not as good as the last one considering I never planned on expanding on this story but eh. It's aiite. I think I need to work on keeping the tenses consistent while writing in this POV but I'm not going to nitpick for this work. Uhhh, there's no musical references in this chapter that I can remember, but really who knows. Certainly not me. Please enjoy.

* * *

They reassured you that you wouldn't have to see the inside of a court room. That was nice. It all seemed like a hassle you weren't prepared to suffer through. You rather just wait around until your eye was healed up and get back to the host club.

They also reassured you that you never had to see your boyfriend again, so you guess that means you're broken up. So, he's your ex now? You're not so sure how to feel about that. Right now? You can't say you want that. Not at all.

Kyoya absently reaches out to hold your hand. It's like he can hear your thoughts and he's disapproving. You've already been sulking but with enough effort you sulk even harder. He's been running spreadsheets of _something_ while you watched French cartoons on your phone, but you got bored of those ten minutes ago and now you feel pretty neglected. You open the camera on your phone and stare at yourself. You thought your eye looked bad before, but that was _nothing_ compared to the gross yellow blue tinge it's taking on as it heals. You don't feel very kingly looking like this.

"Stop doing that, will you." Kyoya murmured, giving you a playful shove.

"Yeah, yeah, fine." You say, closing the camera and aimlessly browsing your phone instead.

You kind of abandoned your home a few days ago and have been crashing in Kyoya's room. Your family blew up your phone looking for you, but you suppose once they found out you were just with Kyoya and not with _him_ , they left you alone. They trust him, which is fair given that Kyoya has a pretty good track record for not punching you. You feel like that record should be way worse than it is given how you've been treating him. You said some awful things to him especially while he was trying to convince you of what everyone else could see in the guy you loved? Love?

Whatever.

You remember the arguments and can't believe he doesn't hate you. " _Why can't you see he's a bastard. He's using you?" "He's better than any of you."_ Etcetera.

"Kyoya?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think I've been a very good friend."

"Don't worry about it." _Ouch._ No denial that you were, in fact, being a shitty friend. "You weren't yourself. I can forgive you for that."

"I still feel bad."

"Well, don't." Like it's that easy. "No lasting damage done. Just let it go."

You look at him and he doesn't seem to be lying to make you feel better, at least from what you can tell given that he hasn't looked up from his computer _once_. You're getting a little tired of that.

"Kyoya?"

"Tamaki?"

"What are you doing?"

"Working, sweetheart. Or trying to."

"Sweetheart. Ha." That's a nice little surprise. He probably meant nothing by it. Hey, if you can call him Mama why can't he call you something? You kind of love it anyway.

"What did you need?" He asks.

"Pay attention to me." Oh, he's _finally_ looked up at you.

"Is that not what I'm doing." You lean over and shut the laptop, leaning heavily against his side.

"Nope, but now you have to." You were worried that you were imposing, staying in Kyoya's home—in his room most of the time—but it doesn't appear that he minds. You're pretty sure he likes being able to keep an eye on you.

Kyoya sighs, rolls his eyes and moves his laptop away.

"I suppose the club won't crumble after a day of low productivity. I'm yours for now." _Yours._

"About time."

"Don't be a pain." He chides teasingly.

You stick your tongue out at him then reach for your sunglasses. You put them on and open your phone camera again almost out of habit. It's the darkest pair you own so you can't see your black eye from behind them. You make a face into your camera and take a picture. You look normal. Not like a poor battered victim at all.

"You're thinking again. And I thought I told you to stop that." He says. You push him, indignantly.

"I think all the time." You lean in to take another picture with him in frame. "You're not the boss of me."

"Try to run that by the rest of the club. See if they agree."

"Meanie." He laughs but it doesn't feel like it's at your expense and you can't stop giggling and, and…

And it's nothing like before.

With your Ex, you fell hard and all at once. This time you feel yourself falling in love by centimeters—by inches. The more time you spend with Kyoya the further you fall and you feel like you've been falling for months. Hell, maybe you have but it was so gradual you didn't see it. And… it's nice? And… you think you could fall in love with someone like him.

The next logical progression seems to be to kiss him, just a little, so you do. Being pressed against him like this makes it easy. He kisses back, so that's a good sign but then you feel him shut down mere seconds later. He just stares at you when you pull away.

"Kyoya?"

There's an ungodly amount of silence to follow the kiss and you're trying not to panic but it's not working. You must have fucked up somewhere. You just saw things that weren't there and fabricated the whole idea that maybe Kyoya wanted this too because, yeah, he said you could have anyone you wanted, but so can he. And maybe he doesn't want _you_.

God, your Ex was right. He was the only one with the patience to put up with your idiocy and love you anyway. Why'd you have to piss him off. He wouldn't've hit you and you wouldn't have gone and wrecked the longest, realest friendship you've ever had.

"You're thinking again." When he finally spoke, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"I… won't be your rebound, Tamaki. I just can't do that to you. I can't do that to myself." He's talking slow, choosing his words carefully.

"I'm sorry." You blurt out, hoping to fix things, to rewind time back to when you were still best friends laughing on his couch.

"You don't need to apologize."

"No, I read the situation wrong or I—"

"You didn't read anything wrong." Your racing mind screeched to a halt at that.

"In any other situation, at any other time, I'd never say no." Kyoya continued, "But,"

"But." You echo. There always was one of those.

"This is too soon for you and I know, _I know_ you might not think so, but it's only been a few days and the fact that I know you can't stop thinking about that asshole means it's too soon."

"Maybe." You murmur. "Maybe."

You can't say with one hundred percent certainty that you'd still be doing this had you not been fresh off a breakup, so maybe he's right. Kyoya deserves so much more than that.

"So…" So where do you go from there?

Kyoya sighs and slips his hand in your own. "You need time." He says. "Ask me again when this isn't so fresh. Your odds won't be too bad, I promise."

Relief does not _begin_ to cover what your feeling; relieved, happy, excited, speechless, everything in between.

"You mean that?" You say, feeling breathless.

"I never lie."

"Yeah, right." You say, laughing because even that was a blatant lie.

"What? It's true."

"Mhmm, sure."

"You don't believe me."

"Not that much of an idiot."

"I think you'll be okay, Tamaki." He says.

You grin, squeezing his hand. "Yeah, we'll be okay."

* * *

I wanna say this story is finished. No one wants to beat a dead horse. Thanks for your time. Review if you would like to. Peace.


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